his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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