i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
