Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
