R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
