Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
