You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
