I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
