we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
