Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
