I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
