Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
