Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
