Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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