You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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