look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
