Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
