U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
