She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
