So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
