So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
