Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she smelled like a LAN party
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
