Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
