"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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