you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
