im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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