So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
