she was so not down for the gang bang
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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