i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
