Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
