i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
