I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
