woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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