I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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