I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
