I just threw up on my dentist
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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