you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
