I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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