I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
