and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
