I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
