Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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