So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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