u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
