I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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