you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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