We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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