FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
