I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
