wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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