she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
