You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
