I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
