Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think your dad took our porno
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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